1 Year

We grow from learning. In the past year, I've grown a lot. It's been a few days over a year since I graduated from high school and pretty soon it will be a year since I set foot on my college campus. I've learned so much. This past year has been quite the experience. I've really learned a lot about myself and about other people. In a way, that was the main reason I wanted to go off to school, to learn more about life. I'm majoring in Women and Gender Studies and Sociology at the University of South Florida.

I've met great people, I've met people that make me think a lot. I learned things that I always knew but being in this new world gave a lot of those lessons confirmation. I was reminded that some things you have to keep telling yourself forever.

• It's okay to be yourself. It's more than okay, it's fantastic. There are so many opportunities to find where you belong. There is no need to settle where you're uncomfortable or feel like you don't belong.
• Not everyone is going to like you. You can't change who you are, if someone doesn't like you then so be it. It's probably because you believe strongly in something that they disagree with.
• Stand up for your beliefs.
  
• People can tell you who you are. That's for you to decide.
  

I started the year off as a Biomedical Sciences major. I found my heart and felt at home in the Women Studies department at an art crawl that I participated in for one of my classes. I don't think that there is a timeline on when you have to decide what you want to do with your life. I know I want to help people and touch lives and that's the most important thing to me.

Some moments were really hard but I'm so glad to be where I am. I love learning. I learn something new everyday. It could be something about communication. It could be about society. It could be about myself. Each day comes with something special. Learning is essential to life. I want to encourage you to learn about yourself and life in any way possible. We learn from life and that's what helps us carry on. Good Luck.

Inspiration

As we (13 Moon Walk 4 Peace) travel, speak, walk, participate with communities in planting peace poles, ceremonies and various gatherings, there is one thing I have begun to realize -- when we show up and engage with one another, we inspire each other to climb higher and higher! Many of us are facing critical challenges/opportunities at this time and, I find, it so important to see beyond my own uncertainty and focus on the great works that are being done by the "ordinary" people I meet along the way: ordinary in that they are people just like you and I; extraordinary in that they have found unique and often courageous ways to make a difference in their families, their communities and even the world. These are the stories I want to tell and I want to invite you to do the same.

A Mother's Day Offering

"Reverent Mother" Anjali
from Women We Are

All women are mothers. We mother the plants, the earth, the air, the water, the animals, our brothers and sisters, our children. We all are univeresal, reverent mothers.

These images are of my family: mother, grandmother, self; of revered women in my life; and the selfless nuns of Ananda Marga, doing great service work for AMURTEL. My 13 year old son helped me navigate this videography. Please enjoy, and share the love.

Overlooked, Overworked and Getting Over It

I keep wanting to believe in you--in us.
Not the romantic kind of thing, but the people thing
As in Equal
As in Whole
I want a world that includes the pater and the mater ...
No more patriarchal monarchs ...
Not even the matriarchal solitude
                   will do.

But this movement of humanity
This movement towards peace and harmony
Ain't gonna happen until ...
Until ...
Until ...
                      You acknowledge that Adam was human

Flesh
One Flesh
Neither Male Nor Female
But Both--the Same

Not Black, Nor White
But Black and White
Not Brown or Yellow
But Brown, Yellow, Black and White
And the colors in between.

Have you heard? There is a world out there waiting. And we still have this insane notion that if we continue to let men lead that things will change. Well, that's the definition of insanity, isn't it? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I want you to know that I hurt with you Black man. I know your struggles. I should. I birthed two of you. Then I'm supposed to spend a lifetime running after men? For leadership? No, it is not fair.
     Look, I'm going to have to put a stop to this madness. I can no longer continue to look the other way, swallow my tears and dampen my anger. I'm not only hurt, but pissed, too. Did you think you could continue to take my gifts and use them without payment? Not just the green, but the entire payment of acknowledgment, change and growth? Give me the credit. Let me tell my story. The Civil Rights movements all around the world have succeeded on our backs--the backs of women--and we have a right to say how it will be done.
     So, let's stop playing and know that if you aren't sharing, you're not going to get it done. And it won't get done until you learn that lesson.
     Peace. Yeah!

Decisions, Decisions ...

Looking for Answers

Where do I find them? I think--no, I know. I've been looking for "acceptance" in all the wrong places. I've been looking for love in all the wrong places, too--outside myself. What am I going to do about it? Well, I think I will get to work. I have some planning to do and along with that, a commitment to who I am and what I do.
     What is it that I do? I'm a communicator and philosopher, someone who looks at this world and try to see through the strains of existence. When I was a little girl, I wanted to feel safe. One of my earliest memories is of me getting into the back of a beige and black car. My grandmother is outside the door and she's asking, "P.K., don't you want to stay with me." I remember trying to get out of the car rather than replying. I could not get the door open and with a few giggles from the adults, I was driven away. I know now that I was being driven away from the one place of safety, the one place I knew into the unknown. This moment in life was, I believe, my first hurt and my first decision that didn't go my way.
     "Don't you want to stay with me?" My decision was immediate--to tug at the door handle and get out of the car and run to my grandmother. Instead I was forced to accept the will of someone else. At 3 or 4, I had no power and I sometimes think it was a cruel question to have asked a youngster. Of course I wanted to stay. She had raised me, taken care of me, feed me and loved me well. She was my anchor, only I could not have communicated that. Still, I feel it in the misty vapors of yesterday--not as potent, but still a time that leaves me bereft.
     Some say that there is a time to let go of the past. As one minister explained to me recently, we are promised this day--we ask for this day--because this day is really all there is. But, there is no way to get the answers one seeks until they take a good, hard look at the past. Then after they do, they must write it on the pages of their life's story--chronicle it and get up and start living the day.
     Decision, decisions--they bombard our waking and even in our slumber. During the day, it is what will inspire you, motivate you, and impact you? What will have the most sway? The negative or the positive? The real or the fantasy? In my slumber, I leap tall buildings in a single bound and not let my dreams destroy what I've built during the day with doubt or fear.
     All in all, there is a marking of time and these days it should be about not wasting them. Don't just sit there and brood--although a good brood can help erase some of the anxiety. Just don't sit there too long. In the meantime, remember to pray and meditate--for me writing it down is my way of praying. I use the momentum of my fingers to push the spirit through my fogged brain and viola, I've connected with my inner core--that part of me that knows I will fulfill my destiny. I am making decisions after all, even when I decide not to do anything. Repercussions reverberate throughout the days we live, so know that. Deal with it. Then make your decisions count.
     Peace.

There's Grieving and Then ...

There's Hope!

Mom, Your Love Sustains Me Still

Today is the 7th anniversary of my mother's death. She died on January 3rd, late at night with just the two of us in the room. I always think of it as the completion of our cycle together; her bringing me into this world and me watching her walk into eternity. I got two pieces of advice when my granddaughter died two years before and they are both great pieces of advice. Especially today.
     I have--today--realized that I have carried a certain amount of guilt that I've ignored. My mother would laugh at me right now. She would ask, "For what?" Believe me, she would not understand. Now before you think my mother thinks me perfect ... well, almost perfect, the truth is that she knew, no, knows me well. Over the last seven years, she comes home when I need her. It is only a dream and I know that I am dreaming, but for one night, she makes everything alright. So, why the guilt?
     My mother loved me through the ups and downs of my life and I can still remember being so tired, I'd fallen asleep on the couch and still I could feel my mother's touch. It reminded me that at the end of her life, I spent a lot of time doing what was right. I kept good records. I knew every medicine, dosage and times I always got her favorite sherbet and when water started tasting bad--her disease played havoc with her taste buds, I got several brands until we found one that she liked. Yes, I did it. I was there. I did my job, but we didn't really talk. I left in the morning with a list of what I needed to do and went to work. I called throughout the day and we talked briefly each time. I was always aware of her and somewhere deep, but not too deep, I knew that I would not have her long. Long or short. It is all relative, I imagine. I just thought that if I kept doing what I had to do, that long or short, it would not happen. Crazy, huh? I thought somehow it would keep her there with me forever.
     And that is my guilt. I missed some opportunities that should I look at it through the eyes that are now opened, I would realize that we are only promised "this day" and that I blew it over and over again. Which, I suppose is why she comes back to me when I need her to because she knows that I'm not yet ready.
     But, Mom, I realize I would have never been ready and that though I accept that you are gone in the physical plane, that I will never be ready to let you go. And that is my hope. Because truthfully, I don't have to.  Okay, I didn't use that time as one who was knew that you were dying. We all are if we look at life as half-full or half-empty. I guess I will have to let go of both my guilt and my grief. Today is that day because I know that your love sustains me still and that I still have time to continue to love you until we meet again. And we will.
     Love you much, Mom. Your daughter, P.K.